Episode 119 · A Place He Knew

Soles remained with his shoulder against the wall.

— You said…

He stopped.

— I didn’t say it, she said. You believed it. I let you.

A man carrying a stack of files passed through the corridor. Maxim clasped his hands between his knees and let him pass without following his face.

— You’ve known since then? Soles asked.

— Yes.

— Since then.

Tesa nodded.

— When you came after me on the quay, he continued, you knew.

— Yes.

— When I thanked you.

— I knew.

Soles pushed his shoulder away from the wall. Pain stopped him before he could fully straighten. Krista took a step toward him, but he raised his good hand.

— And you?

— I found out later, she said. When I found the nighttime entries made in my name. We both talked to him.

— About what?

Krista told him about the key first. The request slipped among the exhibition papers, her signature, the nights Varren had gone to the warm water. She told him Varren carried something like Soles did, and found quiet there. When she reached the slab, Tesa took over. Varren had confirmed that he was the one who held it. He had asked them to let him tell Soles himself.

— And you let him, Soles said.

— Yes, Krista replied.

— For how long?

Neither of them answered.

Soles looked at Tesa.

— I heard him.

She raised her eyes.

— Then. He said, “Go. I’ve got it.” I heard him and told myself he was covering us. That you were at the door.

— It would have helped if you’d told me I was wrong.

Tesa lowered her hand from the cast.

— I know.

— Now you know.

She took the words without defending herself. Krista’s fingers had gone numb around the edge of the folder. She had read Varren. She had looked at him patiently, using what she had learned from the man who earned his bread from other people’s hands, and had been sure she was seeing the truth.

— He wasn’t lying about the water, she said.

Soles looked at her. Krista heard how the words sounded and shook her head before he could answer.

— I’m not trying to defend him. I… I watched him when he told us why he went in at night. When he said he held the slab. It was true.

In the yard, Varren had looked at the clock only after learning the pages had not been handed over. Not before. Krista remembered the order exactly, and that hurt.

— I read the truth, she said. I just asked the wrong question.

Soles did not answer. Maxim rose from the bench more heavily than he had sat down.

— Where is he now? he asked Krista.

— He said he was coming here.

— Did he leave when you did? Maxim asked.

— I saw him come out of the yard. He went the other way.

— I’m going to his place.

— I’m coming with you, Maxim said.

Tesa pushed away from the door.

— Soles…

— I’m not going there to hit him.

The words came out harsher than he intended. He looked at her, then lowered his voice.

— I want to see if he’s home.

— The investigator needs to know what he told us, Krista said.

Soles looked at the folder she still held.

— Tell him.

He turned to the office and knocked once. When the investigator opened the door, Soles told him where they were going. Varren’s name sounded strange in the room full of files.

The investigator held him in the doorway for a moment.

— You read a description and an order. That’s all we have for now.

— I know.

— If he’s there, you call me.

Soles nodded. The investigator looked at Maxim, who nodded too.

At the exit, Tesa caught up with them.

— After we talk to him, we’ll come too.

Soles held the door until Maxim went through. He did not tell Tesa not to come. He did not turn toward her either.

In the truck, Maxim lowered the sun visor even though the sun was not in his eyes. He needed a piece of road without faces in it.

Soles noticed.

— You still see them?

Maxim nodded.

— Which ones?

— All of them.

Soles turned his gaze back to the windshield.

— Pull over if you can’t drive.

— I can.

After a few moments, Maxim added:

— If I can’t anymore, I’ll stop.

It was the answer Soles had asked for, and one Maxim would once have turned into a joke. He left it alone.

— You don’t have to decide right now what you believe about him, he said.

— I haven’t decided.

— Good.

— He was in our house after the funeral.

Maxim did not answer.

— And at Dad’s locker, Soles continued. I kept trying to figure out who had been there before me.

— You asked.

— Yes.

Soles looked at his bandaged hand resting on his knee. In his mind he saw the empty locker, the shelf, and the space left by the things taken from it. Something else was missing from the memory too. He knew he had once stopped over one particular thing. He no longer knew what it had been.

He tried to move closer to the thought and found nothing behind it.

Maxim stopped the truck a few houses from Varren’s gate. They both got out. Soles went first.

The gate stood ajar.

— Varren?

No one answered. The pool pump hummed beneath the stone at the edge. On the table under the eaves sat the toolbox, a small part, and a screw. The chair was empty.

Maxim knocked on the house door twice, then went around to look at the back. Soles stayed by the pool.

He knew the place before he looked at it. Beneath the stone ran the pipes he had laid. He knew where they met, where he had made the joint Varren had made him check twice, and which slab could be lifted without moving the others. He had worked here with his own hands.

The bench stood against the edge of the pool. Soles placed his good palm on the backrest.

He remembered how many times Varren had lifted the bench to check whether water had appeared beneath it. He had access to that place without having to explain to anyone what he was looking for. Soles thought of the things taken from his father’s locker. He still did not know what he hoped to find; he decided to look.

Maxim came back.

— He’s not out back. The door’s locked.

Soles slid his hand down from the backrest to the end of the bench. Beneath its weight he recognized the joint he had made.

— What are you looking for? Maxim asked.

— The pipe access.

Maxim looked at the pool.

— Under the bench?

— I built it.

Soles dropped to one knee and regretted it immediately. He stayed still until the stab of pain passed, then reached his fingers beneath the edge of the wood. He found the recess where he could grip the cover.

Maxim caught his arm.

— Show me.

Soles showed him where to lift and where to hold. The bench came free of the stone with a short sound. Maxim leaned it against the wall, and Soles pulled up the hatch cover.